Facts:
People with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorders, where Asperger belongs) usually have problems recognizing and understanding nonverbal cues: Your tone of voice, your body language. It is, to them, a mystery why and how people say things without SAYING them.
Lots of them also lack the ability to use these cues, both intentionally and unintentionally.
I didn’t know this. All I knew was, the whining put me off.
Situation:
Hannah comes into the kitchen, and wants a glass of milk. So, she calls out, in a rather unpleasant tone:
- Why am I not getting any milk?
At first I tried explaining to her. She could have all the milk she ever wanted. She just had to let me know she wanted it. Preferably by FIRST asking: Can I have some milk, please?
If, after that, she STILL didn’t get any, it might be appropriate to whine about it.
Explaining didn’t seem to do the trick. She still whined. So, I decided to “name it”. To let her understand what it was I didn’t like. And to make sure she really could understand, I made up a game.
This, hence, is the voice game!
Hannah comes in, and calls out her milkrequest. Hm, I say. Can you say that with the happy voice?
And, with a very exaggerated happy voice, intonation, and general holeheartedness, I called out:
- I want a glass of milk!
Or…. With the scared voice? New theatrical improvisation.
Hannah catches on quickly. We try all kinds of voices, all the ones we can think of, the angry one is the funniest. I end it by asking her to ask for the milk with her happy voice.
Next, every time I have the energy, and she whines, I play the voice game with her, and make sure I serve the milk after one of her attempts at sounding sunny. And she is brilliant at it, finding all the stuff that makes you see how ngry or irritted or tired she is. I also make sure to name the “whining” voice for her, so she understands what I mean when I later tell her: You are whining, honey. Please don’t do that.
This is one of her favourite games. And, it taught me, who was scared of not being the always loving image of a mother, that to her, expressions of anger and such, didn’t scare her, just me:
We were at my mother’s house, and dinner was ready. I called her to the table. No response, she was sitting on the sofa watching telly. I called again with just as little response.
After my third call, we could hear her calling back from the living room:
You have to call with the STERN voice, mummy!
